R is for Repair

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Repair is not fixing what is broken, but rather taking a few steps in a better direction.

A repair attempt in Gottman theory is “ any statement or action - silly or otherwise- that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.  ( John Gottman ) “ Gottman describes the Masters and the Disasters in Marriages. The Masters are the couples who use skills to not have the 4 horsemen in their relationship.  To learn more about the 4 horsemen, you can visit 4 horsemen blog here.

Through Gottman’s 40 years in researching marriages, he found that Repair attempts  are used often and early by the Masters. Repairs are about the couple making rules together. The Gottman library of interventions include a Repair Checklist. This is a list of phrases clustered into different categories that you can turn to as conversations escalate. The list is categorized into I FEEL, SORRY, and GET TO YES.  You and your partner can look at the list and choose which phrases will and won’t work. You can even make one of your own that seem more like your relationship. The idea is to have some phrases that can repair a moment that has gone sour. 

You may purchase the Repair Checklist here.

Learning Repairs and using the Repair Checklist is something I do with couples in counseling. It’s fun to see how couple’s improve their communication, and decrease their fighting with use of the repair checklist and Gottman skills. R is for Repair. Repair your Relationship by getting in on the right path.

Pre- Engagement Counseling

Pre- Engagement Counseling.

What is it & Why to Do it.  

Have you heard of Pre- Marital Counseling? Well, Pre-Engagement Counseling is the newest thing for couples, and has shown great success in marriages. It’s a bit like Pre- Marital Counseling in that it uses an assessment that gives you strengths and growths in your current relationship. How it may differ from Pre- Marital Counseling, is that most couples seeking Pre- Marital Counseling have already bought the ring, scheduled the venue and may not want to see warning signs, or overlook rough spots because they are already committed to their partner.  I encourage Pre- Engagement Counseling to couples. It gives couples a great starting off point for their relationship, gives the couple data on their relationship, their partner and encourages what is best for the couple. I use Prepare Enrich . Research has shown the act of taking the Prepare Enrich assessment improves relationship quality and brings increased awareness across multiple aspects of the relationship. Completing this assessment with a certified counselor is the best thing to do for yourself and your relationship.

To Find out more about Pre- Engagement Counseling click here : https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-q-and-a/relationships-and-marriage/pre-engagement-counseling