Repair is not fixing what is broken, but rather taking a few steps in a better direction.
A repair attempt in Gottman theory is “ any statement or action - silly or otherwise- that prevents negativity from escalating out of control. ( John Gottman ) “ Gottman describes the Masters and the Disasters in Marriages. The Masters are the couples who use skills to not have the 4 horsemen in their relationship. To learn more about the 4 horsemen, you can visit 4 horsemen blog here.
Through Gottman’s 40 years in researching marriages, he found that Repair attempts are used often and early by the Masters. Repairs are about the couple making rules together. The Gottman library of interventions include a Repair Checklist. This is a list of phrases clustered into different categories that you can turn to as conversations escalate. The list is categorized into I FEEL, SORRY, and GET TO YES. You and your partner can look at the list and choose which phrases will and won’t work. You can even make one of your own that seem more like your relationship. The idea is to have some phrases that can repair a moment that has gone sour.
You may purchase the Repair Checklist here.
Learning Repairs and using the Repair Checklist is something I do with couples in counseling. It’s fun to see how couple’s improve their communication, and decrease their fighting with use of the repair checklist and Gottman skills. R is for Repair. Repair your Relationship by getting in on the right path.
